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The Listening Corner


Columns:



Rochelle Devereaux
Business Efficacy
P.O. Box 4081
Salem, OR 97302-1081

503/581-4100
(fax) 503/581-8705
rochelle@businessmasters.com
www.businessmasters.com

Background

Listening is critical to workplace practices. Work teams, 360 review processes and interdepartmental work groups, all require excellent listening skills to effectively function. While people receive years of training in reading, writing and, to some extent, speaking, few receive any formal training in listening skills.

Observe any business meeting or workplace conversation. Chances are, at least one person in the group is hogging the conversation, ignoring what others are saying to them, answering questions or making statements that don't relate to what others have said.

These columns offer examples from real workplace situations with potential solutions. Topics can be submitted by readers by mail, fax or e-mail.

COLUMN #1

An individual feels he is not heard because his idea is not implemented. It's just a bad idea.

Sometimes it is difficult to tell an employee that their ideas are not usable. However, no comment, followed by no action announces "I'm not listening." Later, the employee might have a "good" idea, but they won't come forward. Everyone loses.

The scenario can play two ways. One: the person hearing the idea judges the proposal as it is presented. It is either "good" or "bad." That process creates a barrier between the speaker and the listener. If the decision is that the idea is "bad," no further action is taken. The employee feels slighted.

Two: listening carefully to the employee, the manager recognizes specific flaws in the idea. However, nothing is said because he isn't sure how to positively relate his concerns.

Engage the employee in a short dialogue. It may take more time. Even though you believe the idea won't work and why, the employee does not, or hasn't taken the time to work through the details. Depending on the situation, there are a couple of possible alternatives to silence.

Start by rephrasing the idea and thank them for raising the issue. That alone will let them know that you heard them. It gives the employee an opportunity to clarify any misunderstandings either in your interpretation or their delivery. Now the possible alternatives:

  1. Point out your reservations. See if they have considered them. If so, how would the employee overcome them. Ask how they believe it could be implemented, the costs and time frame. If they have no workable solution, tell them that without one, the idea cannot be used. Get their agreement that a problem may be associated with the idea.


  2. Ask how the employee arrived at the idea. Possibly the thought process started at a logical point, but got sidetracked. Simply understanding how they came to their conclusion will suggest if there are any usable points. It may also point up a problem area of which you were unaware.

Either approach tells the employee you heard them. It also teaches them the concerns and considerations you have to evaluate before making changes. Over time, they may learn how to assess their ideas before they approach you. It also encourages a more open relationship with employees who may present potential problems to you before they become major crises.

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COLUMN #2
Problem:

Our Problem Solving group is led entirely through process by one individual. Others in the group do not actively participate.

Why does the Problem Exist?

People do not participate for a variety of reasons. These could include:

  1. they don't have anything to say;

  2. they don't get rewarded for saying anything;

  3. they don't get an opportunity to say anything;

  4. they are uncomfortable in expressing ideas in a group.

Reason #1 is very rare. Most people have something to contribute if they actually belong in the group. So, unless they have no knowledge of the group's purpose or have no skills that the group needs, they have something to say.

Reason #2 is more common. If people are ignored or feel put-down when they contribute an idea, they probably won't try again.

Reason #3 is also common. The strongest personalities tend to dominate the group, and, if no one has the skill or the authority to stop them, others won't get to be heard.

Reason #4 has to do with #2 and #3, as well as personal style. If the individual is shy or soft spoken, it is difficult to speak up in a group.

Solution

This group appears to suffer especially from a failure to get an opportunity to say anything (Reason #3). How to reclaim the group for everyone?

First: The Work Group needs a set of ground rules that specifies that no one person may dominate.

Second: The Work Group needs an agenda that provides each member a chance to speak. Structuring the meetings to ensure full participation is necessary in this scenario.

Third: The Work Group needs to enforce its ground rules and agenda.

What if you already have those rules and use an agenda, but the dominator still over-rides everyone else?

You have what I call a STAGE HOG; someone who only wants to hear the sound of his/her own voice. Overcoming this problem requires assertiveness and assurance.

  1. Set the agenda with specified times for each work group member's input. Enforce the time limits.

  2. If this person interrupts when someone else is talking, the speaker (or the group leader) must intervene and regain control. This can be accomplished by holding up a hand in a "stop" motion. Point out that someone else has the floor.

  3. If necessary, take the person aside before the meeting and remind them that you have a group effort, and they must listen to the others equally in order to be heard themselves.

This is not an easy situation to overcome. It requires consistent enforcement of work group rules. Whoever sets the agenda must ensure that everyone shows equal respect to others during the meeting.

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COLUMN #3

A business associate interrupts before my point is made, jumps to conclusions too quickly, and it is unnecessarily time consuming correcting the situation.

EVALUATION

There are many reasons someone interrupts us. These include, but are not limited to: 1) they are distracted by other concerns; 2) we speak more slowly than they do, and they are impatient to get to a conclusion; or, 3) they think they've already heard the situation and just want to conclude the conversation.

SOLUTION

In each possible cause listed above, the common denominator is that they are not really trying to hear what you are saying. So, how do you overcome that obstacle?

There is an old saying, "if we do the same things we've always done, we get the same results we've always had." Which in this context means, that if we approach this person the same way we always have, we'll continue to get a non-listening response. Let's look at each reason we've identified and list some alternatives.

1. They are distracted by other concerns

Observe your associate. When you begin to speak, is he/she looking at or focusing on you, or are they staring off in space, distracted by paperwork or the computer? Most likely, they are not really prepared to listen to you. So, set the stage for them to concentrate. Start by asking if they have a few minutes to talk. Get their agreement that this is a good time. Find a neutral location without distractions. Or ask them to put away their work for just a minute so you can focus on the issue. If they seem to stray during the conversation, stop talking until you have their attention. If they start with a solution before you're finished, let them complete their idea. Then, reiterate what you've heard and point out how it does and does not fit your concern. Then, go over your concerns again.

Always show them the courtesy you want from them. That's called teaching by example.

If this process does not work, consider writing your ideas in a memo and bring it with you to discuss. Some people can concentrate better on the written word.

2. We speak more slowly than they do

Each person has a particular speaking and listening style. When styles conflict, most people get distracted. Listen closely to how they talk and observe the people they listen to effectively. Try to match your speaking style to theirs.

3. They think they've already heard the situation

If you're covering old territory, look for a new way to approach it. Consider a reason that the topic would be important to them, and use that to get their attention at the beginning. Then, continue with your concerns.

In all instances, while you want them to listen to you, it is equally important for you to listen to them. Change is difficult. Your associate's listening style has developed over a long period. Your interactions form a pattern that has also developed over time. If you want to change - change yourself first. Find ways to make it easier for them to hear you. Take the time to really hear them. Then work together to communicate effectively.

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COLUMN #4
Problem

The sales organization is not listening to our customer's real needs and communicating them back to the larger organization.

Evaluation

This problem identifies two issues. 1) the sales organization is not listening to customers, and 2) the sales force is not communicating with the larger organization. It tells me is that the sales force is only interested in getting orders for existing products or services. They apparently feel no obligation to participate in marketing functions. So, what can you do?

Solution

The first step in correcting this problem is to identify why it exists. So, before going any further, 1) Look at the sales department's mission. Is it focused simply on selling existing products? 2) Identify the current guidelines for success. 3) Determine any changes needed in order to refocus the sales organization, and 4) Assess the best way to introduce those changes. If you find no expectations that sales will communicate with either the customer or the organization at large, they won't. Expectations without any reward for doing so, such as improved products, customer service, or increased sales, they won't continue their efforts. Sales people exist to sell products and get monetary rewards for their efforts. They will ignore anything that distracts from that, or takes time away from that goal. So, here are some suggestions for correcting the situation:
  • Include your expectations in the sales mission
  • Provide training that shows them how to get the information the organization needs as part of each sales presentation
  • Develop guidelines for how the information is to get to the appropriate department and what actions are required of the recipient
  • Create a reward system for viable suggestions, whether they result in product changes
  • Periodically review progress and get and give constructive suggestions for any necessary changes in procedure or policy

Remember, it is not enough to simply tell sales people that they need to do something other than direct sales. You have to show them what you want, how to accomplish it, and then the reward they will receive for their success.

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COLUMN #5
Situation

The design and project management departments need to communicate with purchasing and manufacturing, but they don't.

Solution

Your goal is to get other department members to hear what you need to tell them, while being open to hearing their side of any issue. Here are some tips to help you.

  1. Identify barriers you've encountered before.

  2. Determine why these barriers came up and possible solutions.

  3. Prepare an outline of what you need to communicate, who needs to hear it, and how to incorporate your solutions.

  4. Schedule a time to meet with members of the other department(s) that is convenient for them.

  5. Provide a agenda and time frame for the meeting.

  6. Open the meeting with reasons they will benefit from the discussion. People are more willing to listen when they believe they'll gain from the experience. When you have their attention, begin your discussion.

  7. Listen to their comments and concerns. Allow them to complete their thoughts without interruption or argument, either verbally or mentally.

  8. Keep an open mind and a positive attitude.

  9. If they raise issues you hadn't considered, or that need further research, set a plan for getting the information or data needed to continue. Arrange to have the other department involved if possible.

  10. At the end of the meeting go over the points of agreement, any further action needed and timelines for accomplishing the tasks.

Be open to hear people. Give them reasons to listen to you. Get them interested in working with, not against, you. Demonstrate a genuine interest in their concerns and offer solutions that work for everyone. It will not be easy. But, keep at it and keep you attitude up. Use your listening skills and demonstrate to others how to listen to you. In the long run, everyone comes out a winner.

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COLUMN #6
Situation

An extremely productive employee tends to be rude to both customers and co-workers and nothing we say seems to make any difference. What can we do?

Solution

Although it will be very difficult to get the employee to want to change, the real problem is leadership and, as you are the leader, you can change your approach.

Leaders set the standards for their group or organization. By focusing only on task performance, the performance attitude has gotten away from you. Now your task is to establish or reestablish appropriate workplace attitudes. Here are some suggestions.

Review job descriptions to see if workplace attitude or behavior is included as a performance standards. If yes, go to step 3. If no, revise all job descriptions to include identifiable behavior that demonstrates a positive, appropriate attitude. (Make sure the language is legally enforceable).

If you have to revise the job descriptions, notify all affected employees that there are changes being made, and when you’re done, sit down with them and explain the new standards.

Document any recent instances where the employee failed to meet performance standards; i.e.: "George asked that you prepare the monthly report by the 15th. Your response was to tell him you didn’t have to do anything he asked and to order him to get out of your face." Then proceed to indicate why that doesn’t meet standard and what changes will need to be made, including a time line for corrective action.

Once you state appropriate/inappropriate actions, follow-up and document any additional violations. Make sure you apply these standards to everyone equally. Remember to reward actions that meet standard and correct those that don’t.

If, within the agreed to time, no change occurs, you’ll have to act to enforce the consequences outlined during the corrective interview. Any other course will undermine your leadership and standards.

While everyone can have a bad day, consistent rudeness to co-workers and customers cannot be tolerated without damaging the company. Make sure everyone understands that and is given the training they need to meet your standards.

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COLUMN #7
Situation

A co-worker appears to have a problem with me but talks to everyone else about it. They don't give me a chance to listen and respond.

Analysis

There are two possible reasons for this. 1) the person is uncomfortable with conflict, and 2) in the past it appeared that you didn't listen to them so they turned to a neutral person with whom to discuss the situation.

Solution

Look to yourself for the answer. How do you respond when this person approaches you with concerns? Do you get upset, tune  them out or argue with them about their concerns? If the individual is uncomfortable with conflict or has in the past been unsuccessful in engaging you in conversation they will seek alternatives.

If you want or need to deal directly with then, that's the message you need to send in all your encounters. Evaluate why they might perceive conflict and how you can change that perception. Assess your past behavior and determine how you want to change it. Write out your plan. List your goal, the benefits for both you and the other person and some approaches. Here's how such a plan might look.

Goal: Achieve open communication with this co-worker

Benefits: Better relations with co-worker; improved productivity, reduced stress, improved communication skills within the organization. 

Approaches: Behavior/Attitude Check:  "It appears my behavior may be causing you some difficulties. Would you be willing to tell me what I'm doing that bothers you?" Then stop talking and focus on their words and actions. If you find yourself getting defensive, ask for a break and evaluate why that statement bothered you so much. Then, ask them to continue. 

Fact Seeking:  "I believe there are some things I need to know about but my past reactions haven't been very positive when you've tried to tell me. I'd like another chance. What have you been trying to tell me?"

However you approach the subject, keep your objective in mind and give the person your full attention. The situation will only improve if you change your responses to their message.

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COLUMN #8
Situation

My boss won't let me clarify instructions that are unclear. How do I get him to tell me what I need to know?

Analysis:

There are generally two reasons someone won't stop to clarify instructions or statements. They can be: 1) time pressure or 2) irritation with a failure to connect (either yours or theirs). Often one leads to the other. For example, they may be in a hurry and get irritated at anything that slows them down. They perceive your request for clarification as a time-waster and they become annoyed at having to repeat themselves. However, sometimes it is simply that they believe they should only have to state something once. In other words, they feel it is the listener's responsibility to hear them.

Solution:

This is tricky. After all, you are talking about the person who does your performance appraisals (you do get them, don't you?) and sets the tone for your working environment. Here are some options to consider. Remember, there is no one reason this happens, so there is not one perfect solution. Use your judgment as to the best approach.

Some people are highly time sensitive. They are always rushed and resent anything that slows them down. Your job is to convince them that clarifying their statement is not a time waster but a time saver. How? This depends on the person.

A person who is fact oriented requires documentation to prove any point. Keep track of times when you asked for clarification, failed to get it right away and had to redo a project once you fully understood the requirements. Clock the time for each section, ie the incorrect results and the corrected project. Give them these results in writing, along with suggestions for change. Sometimes that is all they need to review their own behavior.

A person who is always in a hurry and is totally closed to any suggestion that they need to change is not so easy to impress. Your job involves finding ways to get the information you need in the structure they allow. You become a detective. Try to gather as much information as you can from their instructions. Then talk to any other people who are involved. Find out what their tasks are and see if there is some connection to yours. Then, show your boss a preliminary outline before investing much time in it.

Another way to approach the situation is head on. Simply tell him or her that while you realize they don't like to clarify what they've already told you, it is important that you know what they want. Make sure you don't put them on the defensive by appearing to attack their ability to communicate. You might want to wait and approach them shortly after the initial conversation to allow a cooling off period. When you do this, it appears probable that you simply didn't get all the details you needed in the initial discussion.

Comments

There are some people that simply refuse to clarify or repeat themselves. They feel, rightly or wrongly, that it is not their problem. They would rather have projects redone than make sure everyone is up to speed the first time around. If you have someone like this as your boss, accept that nothing you do will change the situation. Only they can change their own perceptions. For your own comfort and sense of accomplishment, try to find ways to get the information you need that don't involve them.

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COLUMN #9
Situation

A Board member frequently proposes topics/ideas at meetings that conflict with what I believe are appropriate. How can I focus on their ideas to better counter them?

Evaluation:

Your first concern is to determine what triggers your reaction. Is it the message or the messenger? Over time we develop personal feelings about individuals as well as topics. People tend to respond favorably to messages given by people we like or to topics in which we believe. Conversely, we tend to tune out people or messages we don't like.

Second, what are the potential consequences of your response? If you don't listen and respond to the message, will it create problems for you or your department? If you endorse or oppose the idea based on your personal feelings, will it impact your future effectiveness? In major policy issues, a strictly emotional response can create serious long term repercussions.

Third, determine if there are hidden agendas. Sometimes, especially in sensitive negotiations, a speaker will attempt to cloud the issue with emotions so that the listener will either miss their real point or end up looking irresponsible to others. For example, knowing your response to a sensitive issue, the speaker may hope you'll get mad and either leave or refuse to participate in further discussion, thereby leaving the field open to them and their supporters. On the other hand, don't automatically read hidden agendas into every discussion.

Finally, determine if the decision must be made now. Do you have time to go back and think things through (ie tabling a motion until the next meeting) or has it been on the agenda and needs a decision now? If it's a really sensitive issue that has just come up, sometimes it is better to table it and take time to think through the facts. This may not be possible in discussion of new regulations that need immediate implementation.

Now that your assessment is complete, consider the following suggestions.

Suggestions:

Everyone has at least one "hot button" topic that makes them extremely uncomfortable. Ignoring or avoiding them often creates more problems than anticipated. Here are four (4) techniques to help overcome the I don't want to hear it's.

1. Know thyself

We all have triggers that send us into withdrawal or attack modes. When a trigger sidetracks you, or you start interrupt the speaker, stop yourself and go to step two.

2. Be honest with yourself and the speaker

It's not enough to say, I don't want to hear it, that makes me really uncomfortable or words to that affect. Explain your reasons to the speaker. For example; I respond negatively to someone simply telling me you can't or no without explaining why I can't. A flat you can't triggered arguments in my head instead of a listening response. Now my response is, "I have a problem with someone simply telling me I can't. What makes you feel that way?" Which leads to step three.

3. Listen for facts, not feelings

This is difficult. It means suspending your feelings about the person, the topic, or both, and concentrating on the message. It may help to write down the main points they're making. Or you might ask them to restate only the major point(s). The physical act of writing forces you to stay on target. Having them restating the primary point(s) gives you time to refocus on the discussion. It's important to them that you hear the message. If you are sincere about getting the information, most people will help you get there. Then use the fourth step.

4. Delay response

Think about what you've heard, how you feel and how best to respond so that they can hear you. If your emotions are out of control you could start an argument instead of a discussion. This helps no one and creates unnecessary conflicts. If the issue has to be dealt with immediately, go over your notes and respond to the written points. This helps to reduce emotional reactions. Think about the best way to reply without creating a negative response in the other person.

There is no easy way to deal with topics that make you uncomfortable. Follow the four steps and use your Power Listening skills to help get you through discussions with the least amount of discomfort.

A final note: if you find that conflict is the rule rather than the exception in Board meetings or other group activities, it may help to bring in an outside facilitator to help work through the issues or provide training in working through problems.

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COLUMN #10
Situation

Meetings are unproductive. Everyone is either talking in smaller groups or interrupting the speaker so a lot of information is lost or has to be repeated. We never seem to get done on time. What can we do to change this?

Solution

You have actually described two different problems, but they can have a common solution. The first is the rudeness people show to others by not listening when someone else is speaking. The second is group leadership, IE the meeting organizer either not including or not staying within time guidelines for the meeting.

A meeting organizer or leader is responsible for getting people to listen to each other without interruption and beginning and ending all meetings within stated time frames. They need to be very clear from the beginning what they expect of the group and it’s goal. Without clear guidelines the group cannot be completely effective.

The best way to achieve more productive meetings is to get the group to develop and agree to rules of conduct that include listening to the speaker and showing respect for every group member. Once the rules are in place, the leader must insist on compliance during the meeting. If the group already exists, ask to have a meeting set aside specifically to develop these guidelines. Explain why they’re needed and the benefits for the group. The leader cannot simply bring a list of rules and demand that people follow them. They need to be part of the group.

The second part of this, not getting done on time, requires that the leader enforce meeting times. The meeting organizer must prepare an agenda that includes times for each agenda item and then send the agenda out in advance of the meeting. That way, everyone knows in advance what is expected and how long things should take. The leader must then be very clear that the agenda and the time allocated for each item will only be changed if the entire group agrees to alterations.

It will take time, tact and tenacity to make these changes part of the group’s culture. But the rewards will be productive, timely meetings that leave everyone feeling good about themselves and their contributions.

If you would like help facilitating meetings and developing rules of conduct, contact Rochelle Devereaux at Business Efficacy. Contact her at 503 581-4100 or e-mail: rochelle@businessmasters.com.

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COLUMN #11
Situation

I want to make sure I really understand people, but when I ask questions they tell me I'm being too critical. What does that mean and what can I do about it?

Assessment

While listening to others, do you look for flaws in their presentation or information? Do you find yourself mentally arguing with the speaker? Are you concerned about the practicality of the speaker's ideas? Are you looking for ways to make it work, or reasons it won't?

If you focus on potential problems , your questions may come across to the speaker as criticism. Criticism makes people feel under attack and they become defensive. 

Understanding others involves listening without judging.

Solution

There are two issues here. The first is the way in which you listen and process information. The second is the way others perceive the way you ask questions.

Start by listening to your thoughts while someone is speaking to you. If they tend toward judging the speaker and his/her message, consider a different approach. Turn the conversation into a "brainstorming" session. When two or more people brainstorm or toss ideas around, they suspend judgment and let the ideas flow.

Once all the ideas are on the table, then the group decides which will work and develop them further. Let the speaker outline their thoughts and note the points raised. Once they finish, take a moment to think about which idea(s) need clarification and why. Think about how they approached the material. Then ask your questions.

Questions reflect your thoughts. When you focus on issues a question appears less challenging and more information gathering. 

Next, observe the speaker. Note the way they approach you, their manner as they wait for your response and their reaction when you raise your question. If they appear tentative or defensive, address that before going into your question or comment. Make sure they understand (and that you believe) you want to understand their point, not criticize it. It may take awhile for them to believe that, especially if you've been perceived as critical in the past.

It is extremely difficult to suspend judgment when listening to others. One way to practice is to tune into television or radio programs that cover topics we oppose and attempt to listen to the facts without arguing with them. This is easy to do in an election year, since there are candidates with whom we disagree.

Learn to hear what they have to say without judging their message and apply the lesson in the workplace. 

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Have a question or situation you'd like to see covered in this column? Contact Rochelle Devereaux, Business Efficacy, at 503 581-4100 or e-mail, rochelle@businessmasters.com. Visit www.businessmasters.com for other Listening Corner and listening articles.

The International Listening Association "promotes the study, development, and teaching of listening." You can get more information on the association by visiting their web site: www.listen.org, or contacting their Executive Director, Jim Pratt at 800-ILA-4505.




Copyright © 1997 - 2000 Business Efficacy and Rochelle Devereaux